He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
