I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
