if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
