I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
