bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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