I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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