help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
