my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
