How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
