did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
