Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
