he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
