the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
