you would pick up someone in the library
false alarm. still invincible.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
