I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You ate ashes out of my bong
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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