The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
