just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
