I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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