Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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