Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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