Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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