If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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