? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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