You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I didn't notice because vodka
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
