ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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