'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
