Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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