Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
