i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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