you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
