They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
