oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
