He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
