How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
