i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We don't watch enough power rangers
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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