If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
