Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
