i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
