So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
