Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
