What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
