The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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