Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He felt like a one man threesome
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
