therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
