see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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