I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
