woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i out mim tonsoeep
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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