Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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