Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
