Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
