New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
