Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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